Premarital Counseling: 4 Crucial Topics We Cover To Make Your Marriage A Success

pre-martial counseling

Marriage​ ​is​ ​a​ ​wonderful​ ​opportunity​ ​for​ ​two​ ​people​ ​to​ ​join​ ​their​ ​lives​ ​together,​ ​and​ ​many​ ​young couples​ ​are​ ​starry-eyed​ ​in​ ​love​ ​as​ ​they​ ​imagine​ ​their​ ​future​ ​together.​ ​However,​ ​each​ ​person brings​ ​a​ ​unique​ ​experience​ ​and​ ​background​ ​to​ ​the​ ​marriage,​ ​and​ ​while​ ​these​ ​can​ ​enrich​ ​the relationship,​ ​they​ ​can​ ​also​ ​bring​ ​about​ ​unexpected​ ​problems.

Premarital​ ​counseling​ ​is​ ​an​ ​important​ ​step​ ​that​ ​helps​ ​couples​ ​resolve​ ​issues,​ ​anticipate​ ​common concerns,​ ​and​ ​be​ ​solution-minded​ ​to​ ​help​ ​them​ ​better​ ​guarantee​ ​a​ ​successful​ ​future​ ​together. Here​ ​are​ ​4​ ​crucial​ ​topics​ ​we​ ​cover​ ​in​ ​premarital​ ​counseling:


Physical and emotional intimacy is a huge factor in determining how happy a couple is. In fact, a 2016 study​ showed that 63% of Americans reported sexual satisfaction as one of the biggest factors in how successful their relationship was. What are each person’s beliefs concerning sex? Are there any differences in expectation of frequency? What current problems (if any) does a couple experience sexually? What hang-ups or insecurities does each person have, and how can we work together to resolve them?


Couples​ ​don’t​ ​necessarily​ ​need​ ​to​ ​decide​ ​exactly​ ​how​ ​many​ ​children​ ​they​ ​want​ ​before​ ​they​ ​get married,​ ​but​ ​they​ ​do​ ​need​ ​to​ ​have​ ​a​ ​similar​ ​vision​ ​of​ ​what​ ​their​ ​family​ ​life​ ​will​ ​be​ ​like.​ ​Does​ ​one person​ ​not​ ​want​ ​kids?​ ​What​ ​are​ ​each​ ​person’s​ ​thoughts​ ​on​ ​adoption?​ ​How​ ​will​ ​children​ ​be raised​ ​with​ ​regards​ ​to​ ​religion?​ ​​Nearly​ ​half​ ​of​ ​Americans​ s​​ay​ ​that​ ​children​ ​are​ ​one​ ​of​ ​the​ ​main reasons​ ​to​ ​get​ ​married​ ​at​ ​all,​ ​so​ ​we​ ​will​ ​explore​ ​all​ ​these​ ​important​ ​issues​ ​together​ ​in​ ​therapy.


Your belief system plays a major role in how you view the world and want to live your life. Statistically, couples who share the same faith have a higher chance of staying married, but even if a couple doesn’t have the exact same religious beliefs, they can still have a fulfilling relationship. In fact, 1 in 5 Americans grew up in a mixed-faith home. In therapy, we address this issue head-on and explore questions like, “how does your faith affect your daily life?” or, “what expectations do you have of me as your spouse in your religious practices?”

Vision​ ​of​ ​a​ ​Relationship

And​ ​finally,​ ​we​ ​talk​ ​about​ ​the​ ​big​ ​picture​ ​in​ ​therapy.​ ​​Renowned​ ​marriage​ ​researcher​ ​Dr.​ ​John Gottman​​ ​writes​ ​that​ ​a​ ​shared​ ​meaning​ ​gives​ ​couples​ ​a​ ​purpose​ ​and​ ​something​ ​to​ ​work​ ​toward. What​ ​are​ ​your​ ​dreams​ ​and​ ​goals​ ​for​ ​the​ ​future,​ ​and​ ​how​ ​can​ ​each​ ​individual​ ​come​ ​together​ ​to join​ ​in​ ​a​ ​shared​ ​vision?​ ​What​ ​are​ ​your​ ​financial​ ​views​ ​and​ ​experiences​ ​that​ ​can​ ​affect​ ​the relationship?​ ​Is​ ​monogamy​ ​an​ ​absolute​ ​must?​ ​What​ ​has​ ​each​ ​person​ ​observed​ ​in​ ​their​ ​family​ ​of origin​ ​that​ ​he/she​ ​would​ ​like​ ​to​ ​continue?​ ​What​ ​things​ ​would​ ​he/she​ ​like​ ​to​ ​change?

In​ ​my​ ​experience​ ​as​ ​a​ ​psychotherapist​ ​and​ ​certified​ ​sex​ ​therapist,​ ​I’ve​ ​seen​ ​just​ ​how​ ​powerful premarital​ ​counseling​ ​can​ ​be​ ​to​ ​help​ ​couples​ ​overcome​ ​challenges,​ ​become​ ​aligned​ ​in​ ​their vision,​ ​and​ ​essentially​ ​save​ ​their​ ​marriage​ ​before​ ​it​ ​begins.